Beauty vs Glamour

Hi there,

I came back from Scotland last week and I feel blah about being back in Paris. It was an amazing trip (I almost died)(ok, that’s a bit exagerated) and I’ll tell you more about it very soon (next week if not too lazy).

But today, I wanted to go back over an article I read, here‘s the link.

The article starts with “As I flip through modern magazines made for women and men, I wonder how many people truly believe that what they see is a true representation of beauty, let alone think it’s achievable. Many forget that there is plenty of photoshop and surgery involved, to the point that it’s someone else entirely”. 
 Then, it presents the work of a make-up artist (Vadim Andreev) who “want[s] to help everyone to see their own beauty” by making them as glamourous as the girls in the magazines. 

Roughly, what I understand is: “You don’t need Photoshop and/or surgery to be beautiful, just a little make-up (and some skills obviously)”.
I completely agree with the first part of the idea. Less with the second part. To me, the initiative is great, but incomplete.

I am part of the girls who have *strong* complexes. Those that stop you from going out if you’re not “ready”.
There are 3 things I don’t like about my face. In order of antipathy: my eyebrows, my natural lip colour and my eyelashes. My eyebrows are squattered, full of holes, almost non-existent in some places. My natural lip colour is too pale. My eyelashes are short, straight and few. I always have to make-up my eyebrows before going out. Always, always, always. Even if this means being late for a meeting. I spend at least 5 minutes on it, because it has to be perfect. Full, thick and natural looking. And I often had compliments on my brows actually haha.

But still, it feels a little wrong. I almost became obsessed by it. And I can’t go out without doing it. But the thing is, yes, my natural eyebrows are ugly, but then? Does it really matter? Does this mean I am ugly? Not that much, my face isn’t so hard to look at when I don’t have make-up on it. Boyfriend doesn’t cover his eyes of fright when he sees me on waking, neither the passers-by the rare times I go out with no make-up on haha. But it’s not so easy to admit it by myself. Why? Because models. Because beauty criteria. Because the eyebrows are what define your face and that’s an absolute rule.

So yes, Photoshop and surgery are not a solution. You’ll never be satisfied and always will want more. But make-up isn’t neither and certainly not artistic make-up that makes you look like a model.

Don’t get me wrong, Vadim Andreev’s work is stunning, I don’t deny it at all. The way he plays with the lights and the shadows, how he redefines the face and how he does the eye make-up, it really is impressive.
But it doesn’t help women to see their own beauty. And I do believe that, on the contrary, it locks them in their complexes. Because, yes, you look like a model with all this make-up, your skin is flawless, your lips are full and your eyes look like those of Bambi’s mother. But for how long? A day? An evening? An hour? How can this help you to feel good about yourself when there’s such a “harsh reality check” as soon as the make-up is removed? Do you even realize that? Photoshop and surgery are blamed to make someone be someone else entirely. But make-up can do it too. When you redefine all your face, it absolutely has the same effect than Photoshop. Surgery at least lasts (which can be dramatic).

This might be a nice experience, it might be fun and surprising to be “transformed” by make-up. But to me, this is not beauty, it’s glamour. Glamour involves the artifices. Beauty does not. Glamour starts when you put the lipstick on. Beauty starts when you admit its existence.

“It’s a new dawn, It’s a new day, It’s a new life”

hny john Love, friendship, family, food, health, travels, dreams coming true… I wish you all the best for 2014. Really. 2013 (and 2012 as well) wasn’t so nice to me and I really feel like something great will happen in 2014. It’s full of hope, optimism and excitement that I start this adventure. And I hope that it’s your case too. Let’s be awesome all together!

wtfgifI don’t know why.

So I made my traditional resolutions list. I stopped being silly and writing down “do sports lol”, because this is definitely not working on me. I do sports when I want to and having it marked on a list isn’t motivating. I actually do sports at the moment. Yeah, I dance. Ok, I play Just Dance 2014. But it’s nice! I play it every other day and burn about 200 or 300 calories per play. See, it’s like doing sports. It relieves stress and gives me energy. My favourite are Nitro Bot and Pound The Alarm.

This isn’t me performing in the videos, I just found it on Youtube to illustrate the post with

I love this game so much. This game represents the great memories of the week I spent working for a games convention last autumn. It was such a great experience.

Anyway, this game is awesome (thanks Laurent and Charlotte!) and here’s my resolutions list :

  • Be updated in the Doctor Who’s episodes
    Last year’s resolution. But it’s not my fault if I couldn’t hold it. Boyfriend don’t want to watch with me *sigh*.
  • Read a book every 2 weeks
    I’m reading Lord of the Flies at the moment. Next are Sherlock Holmes adventures.
  • Blog regularly
    I guess we’re ok since early December. Yeah.
  • Get the driving license
    I mean, it’s time.
  • Run the semi-marathon of Paris
    Problem is that I stopped training for about 2 months. I don’t know if I’m keeping this one. Hm.

Well, there’s only one thing to be said now :

allons-y

Art deco for beginners

Guys! I’m super excited! For those who read my last post, know that my whole what-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life reflexion led me somewhere eventually! I thought a lot about it and made some research and I had like a revelation. This is still a little bit unsure, I need to think about it really really seriously, but I think that I found my way.

I want to be a wedding planner.

This regroups a lot of things that I like, a lot of things that I can do and… a lot of things that I like to do heh! It feels so great, it’s so amazing. I really started to think that I would never know this feeling. It’s such a relief and such a joy, I’m so happy! And of course, there will be some project updates here. Keep fingers crossed for me!

Apart from that, I’ve got some nail art for you sweeties.

art deco for beginners 1 whateverwinaart deco for beginners 2 whateverwina art deco for beginners 3 whateverwina
Well, my hands are pretty red… It was cold, but I didn’t think that it would look so obvious on the pictures haha.

Anyway, here’s a mini-tutorial :

  1. Apply a base colour all over the nail. I chose Kiko Holographic nail lacquer n°400.
  2. Draw a center band with another nail polish. I chose Kiko Holographic nail lacquer n°401. Well yes, I was in a holographic mood.
  3. Draw the pattern with some black nail polish. I used Agnès b. nails pen in Black Graphic.

The colours I chose make the whole thing look very soft. It needs more pep’s. I think it’s prettier if the colours “clash”. Next time!

Wake Me Up Before You G- Ok, no.

Hello sweeties,

I almost abandoned the blog. Again. I didn’t even log in during these two last months. I almost thought about taking WordPress off of the welcome mosaic page of my browser or however this is called. I felt guilty from time to time. Guilty and sad, because there actually was no content to post.

I was pretty busy with school and work and trying to keep a decent social life and making my brain burn because I don’t know what to do with my life, etc. The usual business. Also, I had face skin allergies haha awesome. Nothing terribly serious, but enough to make you ease off about makeup. Plus the cold weather, plus the stressful environment, plus the sleeping issues, plus I’m getting old. Oh I, the so old Wina, I’m turning 23 in about two weeks. Oh god.

So, what was the point… Oh yes. I was pretty busy and I still am, but I’m taking care of the blog again. This is making me think of a conversation we had last night with boyfriend. I was confessing my fears about this year (I have a few projects to stick to, there’s a lot of work and not so much time, I’m worried about not reaching my goals) and about making the wrong choices, going to the wrong direction. As some of you might know, I was/am pretty unhappy about my studies. I’m thinking more and more about making a studies shift next year. But there is so much pressure. And I don’t know where I should go. I’m still thinking about it and I don’t know if it’ll eventually lead me somewhere.

And um sorry I went a little to far. So he asked me if I was still drawing, I said no. Was I still nail arting? Neither. Was I still reading graphics? Neither. Was I still cooking? Neither (well actually, I was but it wasn’t good enough, or I didn’t think about taking pictures because of the unsure result). So, I was complaining about having no talent, but I stopped everything I could do and that was making my ‘talent’.

I got to the conclusion that I needed to reconnect with that. So there we are: NAIL ART, MY FRIENDS.

Image

Image

Image

I used a thin paintbrush for that, like in the mrcandiipants tutorial. I was inspired by my dear Maëlle’s post (she’s my mentor, my master, my sensei, follow her, she’s cool).

It’s Claire’s Black for the background.
For the leaves : the lightest green was from ELF, the bright from Essie and the darkest from Kiko.
For the flowers : wow kids, you’re being greedy about my memory. There were an old lame white nail polish, a bright orangey red from Essie, a yellow from H&M, a royal blue from Gilles Gold, a pastel blue from Hema, a lilac from NYX and a mauve from ELF.
I can’t remember the names and I’m too lazy now, but I will edit that on the weekend. Come back saturday night, babes.

The funniest thing about all that is that today is the blog’s birthday. Let’s celebrate.

The pain of being anxious

Ok, warning sign. The following lines are going to be very personal. If you don’t want to hear me whimper, press Alt +F4 and come back next week. Really. This is all going to be annoying anxiety crisis shit. And if you’re down and you need comfort (in some way), take a seat.

Once, I said here that maybe someday I’d be posting something about feeling bad and stuff. There we go. I know that it might be inappropriate. This is a very personal issue that none but myself should know about. Slanderous tongues might say that I’m making a spectacle of myself. And they’re probably right. Because I need the attention. Because I don’t feel like I want/can talk about it to a specific person. But I need to speak up. Because it’s eating me from the inside and writing it down is my kind of therapy. I’ve never been very good at talking. I always avoid debates and embarrassing talks, because I just can’t control myself from crying in those situations. High sensitivity problems. Hypersensitivity problems even, I think.

So yes, I need to speak up. To speak up about how I feel right now. And it’s not good. I cried all day long. Yey. Great atmosphere. I cried because of lot of things. But mainly because I feel insecure. Most of the time, I can handle that. I live with that and it’s ok. And sometimes, the pressure is so unbearable that I suddenly burst into tears.

I am afraid. All the time. Anytime. I am anxious. I fear loneliness. And I accept loneliness. I know that I am alone. That we all are. But I feel the need to hope, to have the illusion that maybe we are not. If several people feel lonely at the same time, are they still lonely, even if they don’t even know the existence of each other? That type of hope.

I can’t stand feeling abandoned. Even for stupid things, like when we’re going at the cinema, and I’m late, and they say “we’ll be waiting for you inside and keep you a seat”. It makes me want to cry. I know it’s selfish, but I need them to wait for me so that we could go all together in the theater. Yes, I fear loneliness that much. Told you it was stupid. But I need it. Or I instantly feel attacked, I withdraw into myself, I have a heavy heart and I start an anxiety crisis.

I need to feel reassured all the time. I need family/friends/love to tell me all the time that I am great or more than that. I need approval. Attention whore? Probably. Low self-esteem? For sure. I need the kind words. I need the encouragement. I need people to be tolerant at their highest point. There’s just one word to be said or not said, one move to be done or not done, and it’s all fucked up.

The saddest thing is that I know where all that comes from and I don’t manage to defeat my demons. Which of course makes me feel worse. I try. I try so hard. Or maybe don’t I? Maybe I’m too weak. Maybe I’m actually all wrong about it and I’m just being psychotic. Maybe I shouldn’t fight and accept this statement instead, because I actually can’t change it. Whatever the answer is, I always end up with an anxiety crisis. My head burns, my body shakes, my eyes impersonate the Niagara falls, I have difficulties to breath, I sometimes am nauseous and I feel like I’m going to explode in thousand pieces.

You see the ending of those big crisis thing : Life ruined. Self-destruction tendency. Well, nothing physical. I mean, no voluntary physical injure. I suspect this constant anxiety of affecting my physical health though. I’m always sick. When I’m not, it’s like something extraordinary just happened. They almost give me a slap on the back when I’m in good health. But apart from that, the self-destruction rather concerns my social life. I withdraw into myself, almost lapsing into silence. I stop talking, build an armor of silence and start to lose contact with the world. I also lose appetite and sleep. Thus, I lose concentration and motivation. I spend my days asking myself the same questions, and one in particular : “when did it go wrong?”. For days. For weeks. For months.

I’m tired, but I still try to relieve myself of it.

MAYDAY MAYDAY

Oh! I know! Guys! I’m letting the blog die! I’m heartless! A monster! And a drama queen.

that's gonna be death

I guess most of you don’t mind about how often I post and stuff, but I do think that what I’ve done is *wrong*.

My perception of blogging is kind of special. Do I blog for myself ? Or for my readers ? Or for both of us ? This isn’t the question. To me, the last option is always the true one. My relationship with my blog is not based on the “for who”, but rather on “for what”. My blog is a motivator, an anti-procrastination challenge. Of course, I’m not posting only to free my mind from the guilt of not posting. But I opened this blog because I wanted to be regular and share my everyday interests. I used to let so many things unshared on my previous blog, just because of laziness. And the sentiment of frustration is unbearable.

pieWhen I was a little kid, I was really shy and quiet. That wasn’t so bad. But the uncool point is that no one was really listening to me. It was often (always?) the “oh yeah yeah, let’s do that”, followed by a smile, while your interlocutor actually didn’t hear/understand a word of what you said. Frustration.
Even if now it’s much better on this point, blogging is like a life buoy, an assurance that someone, somewhere, will always eventually read my lines.

Anyway, this is getting a little too sentimental. Sentiments. Meh. Girl feelings. Yurk.

All I wanted to say is that I’m fine. I had tough weeks, I was pretty sick these last times. A month ago, I had angina. The week after, I had fever. The week even after, I had flu. And this week I had fever, waves of nausea, the most violent headache of my life, palpitations and other cool stuff. Now I have a respiratory tract inflammation and I’m coughing my lungs out all day long. Awesome.

bodyBut I’m really trying to come back and I’m thinking about some cool (I hope) posts.

Stay tuned sweeties and take care. Seriously guys. Take really care. You don’t want to end up like me.

World’s worst plague

Hello sweeties,

God, I really have to stop procrastinating. I’m preparing a comics post for a few days and it’s not progressing much. I’m eating candies and drinking hot chocolate all day long, but it doesn’t help to motivate. Blah. I draw a line and then I fall in the abysses of the Internet. And 3 hours later, when I ask to myself what I’ve done all this time, I’m just like :

I DON'T KNOW

I can’t do nails posts for a while, because my nails are super weak these days, so I have to stop applying nail polish. I bought so many new nail polishes what’s more. Yes, I take it very hard and my heart is broken right now.

I can't do it

Actually, I spend my days eating a lot and complaining because my stomach hurts because I ate too much. Christmas.

I don't understand

Anyway, I think I’ll make cosmetics reviews for the following days, so that I keep a kind of blogging rate. I hope this is going to help me to defeat procrastination.